Saturday, May 14, 2011

I don't know where this blog is going or what it's doing. It doesn't matter.

Note: Complete and possibly utter useless self-analysis follows.

My schema when it comes to people is that they are puzzles. I meet someone, and if I find him mildly interesting, I want to figure him out. This rule generally applies to men. What makes him tick? What and who does he love? Is he passionate? What are his vulnerabilities? Why does he act the way he does? What caused him to have such-and-such complex?

Basically, I reduce people to a puzzle to be solved and end up treating them like a clinician, asking question after question in order to diagnose the "problem." When I figure out the problem, I want to fix it. It's like this when anyone comes to me for advice (most of the time the person only wants me to listen, but somehow I miss that memo) — friends, family, lovers, strangers, etc. My want to fix people also comes from a desire to control others. If I can't control myself, specifically my emotions, then I need to control something else. Controlling my eating habits doesn't work, but it must in some way if I still attempt to. Controlling others doesn't work, either. It rips relationships apart.

This is a horrible way to treat people. People have complex emotions, and oftentimes they don't even understand them. These feelings can't necessarily be reduced into smaller pieces that are able to fit neatly into a larger whole. A whole (person) cannot be reduced to the sum of its parts (emotions, judgments, personality, intellect).

I don't like being treated like a case study. I sincerely apologize to anyone I've ever done this to...which is basically everyone I've ever met.

This song has relevance to the topic (I am the verse, you are the chorus):



I'm done trying to change anyone.

2 comments:

Lydia said...

Interesting, honest post. I tend to "figure people out" too and analyze everything they do and "diagnose" them. It's hard not to though, because so many people are so transparent.

Josh said...

Profound, Amelie. It takes a lot to realize when we have flaws and make a decision to change. Much luck.